News from Morgan Industries: Honduras

Nwabudike Morgan had to go to another planet to find a place suitable for the construction of his radically unfettered ideal society, where the list of duties for the state included military interventions, the defense of property rights, and nothing else. (Morgan always felt irritated by those in his society who believed that democratic rights could be used to improve the living conditions of the voter.)

Morgan's acolytes did not have to go as far. They were able to convince the Honduran government that the time has come to allow for a government-free zone in their territory, near the city of Puerto Castilla. Morgan's followers promise that the experimental city will become a Central American beacon of job creation and investment. The only tax there will be on property. (Morgan isn't too sure about the last one, but better half a loaf than none at all.)

Leading the initiative and writing the laws will be the MKG Group, a private corporation based in the U.S.

Private City in Honduras WIll Have Minimal Taxes and Government

News from the Believers: Name Change in OK

Miriam Godwinson, humble and obedient leader of the Lord's Believers, reminds her followers insistently to consider the teachings of holy writ when considering their actions in the world. Luckily, there are still some here on Earth who are willing to do the same.

Take, for instance, Oklahoma County District Judge Bill Graves, who on two occasions has denied the petitions of Oklahoma citizens to change their names as they so choose because it would violate his understanding of God's wishes. In both cases, the petitioners have asked to change their names in anticipation of gender reassignment surgery, to which Graves objects:

“To grant a name change in this case would be to assist that which is fraudulent,” Graves wrote. “It is notable that Genesis 1:27-28 states: ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth ...' The DNA code shows God meant for them to stay male and female.”

Miriam thanks her followers and reminds them that liberty, even the liberty to make wholly personal choices that affect no one else in any appreciable way, must be tempered by obedience to higher authority, as interpreted by elected officials.

News from Morgan Industries: The 47%

Free marketeer par excellence Nwabudike Morgan, leader of the Morganites, never tires of highlighting the links between personal virtue, wealth, and resource consumption. For instance, he asserts in his seminal work, The Ethics of Greed, that

"Resources exist to be consumed. And consumed they will be, if not by this generation then by some future. By what right does this forgotten future seek to deny us our birthright? None I say! Let us take what is ours, chew and eat our fill."

His acolyte, Mitt Romney, eerily channeled the thoughts of Morgan at a press conference recently, and the comments were recently made public, leading his opponents to screech hysterically about class warfare.

Among Romney's Morganite comments was this insightful aperçu:

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for [my opponent] no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe that government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that’s an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for [my opponent] no matter what...

“Our message of low taxes doesn’t connect...so my job is is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives. What I have to do is convince the five to 10 percent in the center that are independents, that are thoughtful....”

Morgan would be proud, although he would also lose the election.

News from the Believers: Time to Beat Your Wife

As a faction, the Believers are all too aware that other groups in society tend toward policies and attitudes that erode law and order, endorsing instead a harmful relativism. However, Pat Robertson has an answer for individualism, and more specifically the modernist scourge of feminism: diagnose the psychological problems of strangers according to a one paragraph email written by a third party, and encourage believers to move to places that recognize the proper role of male authority figures.



Miriam Godwinson might be a bit uncomfortable with the apparent self-contradiction in the comments from the video, namely the simultaneous enthusiasm and disdain for wife-beating, but nonetheless congratulates her followers for recognizing the importance of domestic order.